I cannot find my penis.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I am midnight drunk by noon
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
