Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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