Grow some girl-balls and come out already
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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