when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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