shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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