guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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