I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
