watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
