During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
birth control should be required to get into college
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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