mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize