Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
