i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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