"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
