She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize