We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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