I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
