That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
