Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
