oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
