Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
