You smell like stripper and shame
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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