I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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