mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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