Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
