dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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