Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
