Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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