I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
