It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
