so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
