don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Sext me about skeletons
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
