I wish I only lived at night.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
