i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
