T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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