marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
