bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
