The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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