I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
