It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
