There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
