someone get that fucking seahorse.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
