i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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