im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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