I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
