I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
