JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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