We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
