i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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