is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize