I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i came on her dog
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
