ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
