she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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