I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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