I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
