so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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