I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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