dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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