i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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