Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
