he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
FUCK WHALES
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
