I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize