living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize