Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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