I can't watch pbs sober anymore
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You ruined the universe
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
