turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
