apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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