If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
