ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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