She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
