Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize