gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize