Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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