If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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